這一切是我的錯....

I remember reading this article before about how our choices affect our lives.Today i truly understand what it means by paying the painful price for the mistakes i had made in choosing the wrong choice.I don't know how should i go about saying about today's incident,i just feel so despair and lost right now.Coach decided to quit.

I can assure you that its the biggest blow in my life that i have ever experience,i blame no one but myself for all this that had all happen.I can't forgive myself for the mistakes i had made,neither do i think coach will either.I have failed so badly,i let the team and coach down.After Huiying left us i told myself that i must never let my juniors experiences the same painful processed that i had went through.Without a coach the team is incomplete.Yet i had failed,so terribly and badly.I let history repeat itself,i let the juniors down.I talked to my teamates in a really harsh and serious tone just now,i shouted at one point practically because i really don't wish to see them not having a coach.Maybe they don't understand how its like but for sure its not a process where anyone wants to go through.I told them"maybe you might think i am a useless idiot person crapping all this rubbish to all of you and i know each and everyone of you are really piss with me but right now but i don't care.I don't care what you think of me,i don't care if you starts cursing me later on.I only care for one thing and thats how i can help to salvage this situation.I know i am in no position to lecture you all because i am one of the worthless person but if i don't steps out we will let this problem remain forever and this will continue even after the new coach arrive.I rather they hate me now then face the cruel fact later on.

My lazyness ruin my own basketball route and the team.Maybe coach is right i don't think i am fit to be a basketballer at all.I will cause others more sorrow and trouble.What i can do right now is to train hard this whole week and play to the best of my abilty.I guess coach won't change her mind of leaving but what i can do to make her at least feel better is performing well and win the match.My life is like in a mess right now,i can't concentrate on studies because all i think of now is how to redem myself in the next match.

However after the south zone i guess maybe i will never want to play basketball again.My dreams and hope are dashed.Totally shattered.