My first blog entry and many things are filled up in my head.I just wish i could type all that i want to say in a fast manner.Probaly fenellin's getting bored with the god damn life and that i just wanted to express through words rather then bothering anyone to listening to all the craps that i would say.I guess i'm not the sort of person who could express myself through talking unless you are a really close friend or else you were think i'm a wierd freak whose so arrogant and unwilling to participate in the conversation.Ok enough of that.
I skipped training today and if i'm not wrong that means i just threw my chance of being able to be in the school team next year.I have no gurantee even if i could come back next year was the excuess i give and well i admit its my lazyness thats giving the excuess.In the past if this happen i would certainly be weeping my tears because basketball and being in the top 5 means so much to me.It means i'm give a chance to prove my worth of wearing that school jersey with pride.Well right now things are different,i aint sobbing instead i'm feeling numb.I guess my feelings for the game,people and basketball died when i decided to end it temporary for N level.Yet now its not a temporary one but a permanent one,why has my mindset changed so much?Sometimes i question myself am i the same fenellin whose so crazy about basketball,i rememered i once wrote in my journal that basketball was my life,passion and also the one and only thing that i have confidence in.Yet now i have to take my words back...yes in the past 10 years i having been chasing the wildest dream of becoming a national basketballer.The dream of wearing the singapore jersey and seening the country flag raise high up with the national song played was like a fairytale dream to me.I once swear no matter how much hard it will take to reach that goal,i would preserver.
All that now,the enthusiasm has fadded away slowly bit by bit till one day i don't feel anything for basketball at all.Now i start to question myself without basketball will i be a useless person?All i know is play basketball and i have no other forte.How do i move on from here?I have to religion,no gods to answer my prayers....
Life's a rocky path...Whats the next thing thats install for me?What shall i do?
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